The library is open! Tonight, I’m gonna read a bXXch.
I will let the cat out of the bag right off the bat: Katie Holmes??? She always does this! It drives me crazy. Enough already, girl! I know things are weird at home, with the aliens serving the meals and all, but seriously: you need to pull it together. Showing up in this Armani Prive version of the Real Housewives of Amish County is doing you no favors:
And since we are telling the truth, could Kristen Chenoweth keep up with program, please? You need to grow up, Darling. You are a talented actress, on the way to become a legend. I know you are still all about “defying gravity” (get it?) and such, and the Tony Ward Couture dress is cute, but is not for you. You always do this! While we are on the subject, please, for the love of God and our eyes, stay away from the radioactive substance you have been addicted to putting on your skin. You are not the orange Elphaba.
By the way, Jada Pinkett-Smith? If this was not a good Marchesa dress on Vera Farmiga at the Oscars, the diminutive version of it, with the ruffles puffed up and out even more like a tutu, is simply not working, no matter how wonderful (and they do) your legs look.
And don’t even get me started on Catherine Zeta-Jones. On tv it was like: “what happened???” I mean, seriously – what happened? The Atelier Versace dress was beautiful, and the thought sort of worked, but the execution was poor, girl. Poor, poor, poor. And all because of bad blue eye shadow and a corset that looked way too tight and made you arch your back. Please, my heart cannot take this.
Ok, now to the good ones.
Scarlett Johansson is on a winning streak. She has been looking ever so stunning at every appearance, the most recent one at the MTV Movie Awards. She was a winner at the Tony’s in my opinion, in Elie Saab and Fred Leighton jewelry.
Paula Abdul, believe it or not, got it right this time. She looked very beautiful in Tony Ward Couture.
And so did Lucy Liu, who wore a Marchesa gown (Roger Vivier clutch).
Lea Michele reminded me of Shannel at her elimination episode in Rupaul’s Drag Race as Miss Mandarin, but in a good way. She (Lea) looked beautiful and refreshing in a statuesque Zac Posen gown.
And now Helen Mirren. What? What do you mean it is not Helen Mirren? Naomi Watts, you say? Jesus, they creep up on you – I thought I was done with the bad ones several paragraphs back! Well, I’m sorry, but in that case it was a waste of a RM by Roland Mouret that was just too old looking for her.
Now, let’s discuss Cate Blanchett. Miss Catherine Elise Blanchett, from Ivanhoe, Australia, born May 14, 1969. This incredibly talented young lady and beautiful human form has not spared us from several (how do I put this delicately?) daring moments on the red carpet. And I received many complaints about her Armani Prive suit at the TONY’s this past sunday (necklace by Van Cleef & Arpels):
And secretly I still hope that we will go back to the beautiful red hair of the Bandit days, to which scene I still dance to with my knives in the kitchen, then I get into my Mercedes and run over someone who’s running from the police. I digress and reveal way too much. This is Cate Blanchett, people! And this feels very Cate Blanchett-y. Anyone else, I would agree that this is a throw back to the Tin Man. But I feel that we have to count our blessings here. Let’s be happy that she didn’t show up wearing something like this:
Ugh, that was a first. Do you like when I take a tone with celebrities?